Saturday, March 31

How to Stop Compulsive Lying

7 tips to stop you getting caught in your own tangled web
To control other people. People may lie about how much power/status they have and then threaten people with that fictitious power and influence.
For self-aggrandizement in order to make themselves appear wonderful, especially gifted, more interesting, or exciting - either through a sense of inadequacy or overly high self-esteem.
Through sheer force of habit - “Lying is as easy as breathing for me!”
Because you are reading this, I’m presuming you are sick of compulsively lying. So here are some ideas to help you start being more honest.
Tip 1: “To thine own self be true” - regardless of what others are doing
In the recent ‘expenses scandal’ in the UK, many cheating politicians defended their own public money pocketing by protesting that: “Everyone else had been doing it!” In some ways, lying has become more accepted and even expected.
In a recent survey in the UK, 41% of people said they would cash a winning lottery ticket even if it didn’t belong to them and more than two-thirds of people have stolen stationery from work (2).
You know what is honest, so be honest regardless of a dishonest group-think culture - don’t hide behind the excuse of widespread lying.
Tip 2: Remember the truth is often easier
“Always tell the truth. That way, you don’t have to remember what you said.” Mark Twain
Lying is a real strain. You have to remember so much and, no matter how elaborate your twisting and turning, you’ll eventually come unstuck. As Claire said on one of our sessions, “You know, it’s a relief not to lie!”
Cast off lying and you’ll find life instantly becomes much less stressful.
Tip 3: Know what lying is
It’s so easy to lie to ourselves about what lying is. Not telling the truth and remaining silent is a form of lying: ‘lying through omission’. In the same way, people may assume that failing to do the right thing is not the same as doing the wrong thing. In one research study in the UK, just 38% of items deliberately left in the street found their way back to their rightful owners (3).
Claire told me that one boyfriend had asked her why she hadn’t told him she’d cheated on him. She’d replied: “Because you didn’t ask!”
Don’t make excuses to yourself. Not telling the truth, when you know what it is, is lying.
Tip 4: Stop compulsive lying to protect your reputation (because the truth is out there)
Apart from all the ethical considerations, lying doesn’t work - not in the long run. Once you are unmasked as a habitual liar, you’ve blown it. People will take you far less seriously as a person. Trust may be impossible to ever win back.
As good old ‘honest Abe’ Lincoln said: “If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem.”
Claire had destroyed the confidence of just about everyone and felt forced to move on to new pastures.
Stop and think: The truth has a way of making itself known, and when you lose people’s trust, you lose the power to be heard by other people - because they’ll stop listening. (Remember what happened to the boy who cried, "Wolf!")
Tip 5: Stop compulsive lying one step at a time
Claire had been lying for decades, all the time, every day. She was good at lying (which hadn’t stopped the truth from making itself known to the people in her life).
I asked her to start telling “small truths”, being honest here and there when normally she wouldn’t be. For example, when she spoke to someone new she was to tell that she had left school and become a hairdresser at 16 instead of her usual story of having picked up a Master’s degree in marine biology. She was to tell people her real town of origin and be honest about her parents (dropping the story of being adopted). Bit by bit, I encouraged her to start to tell small truths so truth telling, in itself, could become a habit.
Start by promising to yourself you’ll tell people three true things about yourself a day.
Tip 6: Stop compulsive lying by meeting your emotional needs honestly
Much human behaviour is unconsciously motivated by the need to meet emotional needs. We all have needs for a sense of safety and security, attention, status, meaning, excitement, intimacy and love, connection to others, self-esteem, and so forth. Now think about times when you’ve compulsively lied; times when the lies seemed to ‘come from nowhere’.
What was the drive behind the lying? Wanting to be included? Wanting to be thought highly of? Wanting to be loved, even? Wanting excitement? Really think about this.
Lying to get your life needs met is a form of stealing. Wanting to gain love, respect from others, or self-esteem without putting in real efforts is theft in a way.
Think about some real ways in which you can honestly meet these needs for self-importance, security, or whatever drive had been behind your lying. And make these the base from which you interact with others.
Tip 7: Use self-hypnosis to stop compulsive lying
For Claire, lying had come to feel a part of who she was; she called it “instinctive”. We worked hypnotically to great effect. I got her to hypnotically experience a type of situation in which she’d be typically tempted to tell a whopper and I helped her mentally rehearse telling the truth regardless of whether it was less “colourful” or exciting. Each time she did this, she felt an enormous flood of relief and felt closer to the person with whom she was communicating.
Claire emailed me months later to tell me that her new “real” life was going well and that “90% of the time I’m telling the truth and I’m getting more honest all the time; it feels natural now.”
Of course, she could have been lying to me, but I chose to believe her.
Share this article

Tupo Tayari Hata Kutumbukia Hata Ndani Ya Shimo La Kenge? (April Fool) Zingatio La Wiki ‘Abdun-Naaswir Hikmany Ujahili ulipokatwa panga zile enzi za Mtume (Swalla Allaahu ‘alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam), ulihakikisha umeondosha mambo yote ya kijahili kama vile kuwazika mabinti wakiwa hai, ribaa, uzinifu, pombe na mengineyo. Kwa hali zilizokuwepo sasa, yaonesha dhahiri kwamba ujinga uliopo leo umepindukia mipaka ya hizo enzi alizokuwa akiishi Mtume (Swalla Allaahu ‘alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) na Makhalifa wake (Radhiya Allaahu ‘Anhum). Majahili wa siku hizo hawakuwa na siku maalumu za kuadhimisha afya, maji wala mfano wa hayo. Ujahili wao uligandana na kupata mali pamoja na starehe kwa njia zozote. Kwa ufupi hawakuwa na wakati wa kupoteza, iwe ni wajinga ama werevu. Na kwa hakika, ujinga wa akina Abu Jahal na wenziwe umeshavunjwa rekodi kwa kutufikia Siku ya Wajinga duniani. Juu ya ujinga wao kina Abu Jahal, hawakufikia hatamu ya kufanya ujinga kuwa ndio ibada yao kwa siku nzima. Leo imefikia wakati hata kiongozi mkuu wa nchi anafanyiwa mzaha wa kumtoa machozi, lakini akajifanya kucheka ilhali ndani ya nafsi yake anaungua kwa uchungu. Kwa lipi?! Ati ni April Fool! Ndugu Waislamu, hizi ni siku ambazo zimewekwa kuzidhibiti vyema akili za Waislamu ili wasiweze kuzitambua hila zinazofanywa dhidi yao. Yatosha Muislamu kuiharamisha siku hiyo kwa kupotezewa muda pamoja na kufanywa punguwani (mkosefu wa akili). April Fool ni siku iliyoanza kuadhimishwa huko Magharibi ikaenea ndani ya miji ya Waislamu kwa kasi sana na ikashtadi katika vyombo vya habari na kuendelea kwa uvumbuzi wa teknolojia haswa internet. Makafiri hukaa na kufurahi kwa kicheko cha juu wanapotuona nasi tunawasaidia kulisukuma gurudumu la ujinga. Allaah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’ala) Anasema kwamba hila za Mayahudi na Manaswara hazitafikia mwisho hadi watuone tupo sawa na wao: {{“Mayahudi hawatokuwa radhi nawe, wala Wakristo, mpaka ufuate mila yao”}} [Suratul-Aal-'Imraan: 120] Naye Mtume (Swalla Allaahu ‘alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) anasema: ((Mtafuata desturi (mwenendo) za waliokuwa kabla yenu shibri kwa shibri na pima kwa pima hata wakiingia katika shimo la mburukenge (yaani ndani ya shimo lenye mnyama anayeweza kukudhuru) mutaingia nao.)) Wakauliza: “Je, unakusudia Mayahudi na Manasara?” Akasema: ((Ni nani wengine ikiwa si wao)) [Imesimuliwa na Al Bukhaariy na Muslim kutoka kwa Abu Sa‘iyd al-Khudriy]. Ni ajabu pale Muislamu anapoumia kwa kukosa kumfanya mwenziwe mjinga ndani ya siku hii, lakini si mwenye kuhuzunika kwa kuwaona Waislamu wanatolewa roho zao Palestina na Iraaq. Wala hana hisia kwamba Swalah za faradhi zinampita ama kuna Kitabu cha Allaah chahitaji kufanyiwa kazi. Tuelewe kwamba makosa mengi yamefanyika kwa kuiadhimisha siku hii, miongoni mwa hayo ni pale masikini walipotangaziwa kwenda kupokea msaada wa chakula katika kituo kimoja cha redio, na walipofika wakaambulia maneno hata wasiyoyafamu: "April Fool". Hii ni dhulma kubwa na dua'a ya mwenye kudhulumiwa hairudi. Basi ndugu zangu Waislamu, haujafikia wakati tukatubu madhambi yetu? Toba ambayo itatufanya kuacha kuwaona Makafiri ni bora na badala yake tukausimamisha Uislamu ndani ya majumba yetu, ukasimama mtaani na ukaenea nchini na duniani kote.

Zingatio La Wiki
‘Abdun-Naaswir Hikmany
Ujahili ulipokatwa panga zile enzi za Mtume (Swalla Allaahu ‘alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam), ulihakikisha umeondosha mambo yote ya kijahili kama vile kuwazika mabinti wakiwa hai, ribaa, uzinifu, pombe na mengineyo.
Kwa hali zilizokuwepo sasa, yaonesha dhahiri kwamba ujinga uliopo leo umepindukia mipaka ya hizo enzi alizokuwa akiishi Mtume (Swalla Allaahu ‘alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) na Makhalifa wake (Radhiya Allaahu ‘Anhum). Majahili wa siku hizo hawakuwa na siku maalumu za kuadhimisha afya, maji wala mfano wa hayo. Ujahili wao uligandana na kupata mali pamoja na starehe kwa njia zozote. Kwa ufupi hawakuwa na wakati wa kupoteza, iwe ni wajinga ama werevu.
Na kwa hakika, ujinga wa akina Abu Jahal na wenziwe umeshavunjwa rekodi kwa kutufikia Siku ya Wajinga duniani. Juu ya ujinga wao kina Abu Jahal, hawakufikia hatamu ya kufanya ujinga kuwa ndio ibada yao kwa siku nzima. Leo imefikia wakati hata kiongozi mkuu wa nchi anafanyiwa mzaha wa kumtoa machozi, lakini akajifanya kucheka ilhali ndani ya nafsi yake anaungua kwa uchungu. Kwa lipi?! Ati ni April Fool!
Ndugu Waislamu, hizi ni siku ambazo zimewekwa kuzidhibiti vyema akili za Waislamu ili wasiweze kuzitambua hila zinazofanywa dhidi yao. Yatosha Muislamu kuiharamisha siku hiyo kwa kupotezewa muda pamoja na kufanywa punguwani (mkosefu wa akili). April Fool ni siku iliyoanza kuadhimishwa huko Magharibi ikaenea ndani ya miji ya Waislamu kwa kasi sana na ikashtadi katika vyombo vya habari na kuendelea kwa uvumbuzi wa teknolojia haswa internet.
Makafiri hukaa na kufurahi kwa kicheko cha juu wanapotuona nasi tunawasaidia kulisukuma gurudumu la ujinga. Allaah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’ala) Anasema kwamba hila za Mayahudi na Manaswara hazitafikia mwisho hadi watuone tupo sawa na wao:
{{“Mayahudi hawatokuwa radhi nawe, wala Wakristo, mpaka ufuate mila yao”}} [Suratul-Aal-'Imraan: 120]
Naye Mtume (Swalla Allaahu ‘alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) anasema:
((Mtafuata desturi (mwenendo) za waliokuwa kabla yenu shibri kwa shibri na pima kwa pima hata wakiingia katika shimo la mburukenge (yaani ndani ya shimo lenye mnyama anayeweza kukudhuru) mutaingia nao.)) Wakauliza: “Je, unakusudia Mayahudi na Manasara?” Akasema: ((Ni nani wengine ikiwa si wao)) [Imesimuliwa na Al Bukhaariy na Muslim kutoka kwa Abu Sa‘iyd al-Khudriy].
Ni ajabu pale Muislamu anapoumia kwa kukosa kumfanya mwenziwe mjinga ndani ya siku hii, lakini si mwenye kuhuzunika kwa kuwaona Waislamu wanatolewa roho zao Palestina na Iraaq. Wala hana hisia kwamba Swalah za faradhi zinampita ama kuna Kitabu cha Allaah chahitaji kufanyiwa kazi.
Tuelewe kwamba makosa mengi yamefanyika kwa kuiadhimisha siku hii, miongoni mwa hayo ni pale masikini walipotangaziwa kwenda kupokea msaada wa chakula katika kituo kimoja cha redio, na walipofika wakaambulia maneno hata wasiyoyafamu: "April Fool". Hii ni dhulma kubwa na dua'a ya mwenye kudhulumiwa hairudi.
Basi ndugu zangu Waislamu, haujafikia wakati tukatubu madhambi yetu? Toba ambayo itatufanya kuacha kuwaona Makafiri ni bora na badala yake tukausimamisha Uislamu ndani ya majumba yetu, ukasimama mtaani na ukaenea nchini na duniani kote.

April Fool - Hukmu Ya Kushiriki Kuongopa Kwa Mzaha

Kufanya utani wa kusema uongo siku ya tarehe 1 Aprili limekuwa ni jambo la kawaida kwa baadhi ya Waislamu, jambo ambalo limeharamishwa katika Shari’ah ya Kiislamu:
عن ابن عمر رضي الله عنهما قال : قال صلى الله عليه وسلم: ((إني لأمزح ولا أقول إلا حقّا)) رواه الطبراني في المعجم الكبير وصححه الشيخ الألباني
Kutoka kwa Ibn 'Umar (Radhiya Allaahu ‘anhuma) ambaye amesema: Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) amesema: ((Hakika mimi sifanyi mzaha wala sisemi ila tu yaliyo ya kweli)) [At-Twabaraaniy katika Al-Mu’ujam Al-Kabiyr na ni Swahiyh kwa mujibu wa Shaykh Al-Albaaniy]
Lengo la kufanya mzaha siku hiyo ya April Fool ni kwa ajili ya kuchekesha watu, nalo pia halipasi kwani ni mojawapo ya maasi yanayompeleka mtu kuangamia:
عن معاوية بن حيدة قال: سمعت النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول: ((ويل للذي يحدث بالحديث ليضحك ويل له ، ويل له)) رواه الترمذي وقال : هذا حديث حسن ، وأبو داود
Kutoka kwa Mu’aawiyah bin Haydah Amesema: ((Nimemsikia Mtume Swalla Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam akisema: ((Ole wake kwa anayehadithia jambo la uongo ili watu wacheke. Basi ole wake! Ole wake!)) [At-Tirmidhiy na amesema hii ni Hadiyth Hasan, na pia imepokelewa na Abu Daawuud]
Asili Ya April Fool:
Asili ya April Fool haikujulikana kwa uhakika na kuna rai mbali mbali zinazohusiana nayo.
Wengine wamesema imeanza kutokana na sherehe za majira ya kuchipua (Spring) katika ikwinoksi (siku ya mlingano) tarehe 21 Machi.
Wengine wamesema kuwa huu ni uzushi uliochomoza France mwaka 1564 M, baada ya utangulizi wa kalenda mpya. Wakati mtu alipogoma kukubali kalenda mpya akaishia kuwa ni mwathirika wa baadhi ya watu ambao wamemsababisha aathirike kufedheheka na wakamfanyia istihzai na kumtania, akawa ni kichekesho kwa watu.
Wengine wanasema kuwa uzushi huu umeanza asili yake katika nyakati za kale na sherehe za mapagani zilikuwa na uhusiano na siku hasa mwanzo wa majira ya kuchipua. Kwa hiyo hii ni kasumba ya ibada za mapagani. Inasemekana kuwa nchi nyingine, kuwinda hakukufaulu siku za mwanzo za uwindaji.
Le poisson d'avril (Samaki wa Aprili)
Wazungu wameiita April Fool kwa jina la 'le poisson d'avril' (Samaki wa Aprili). Na sababu hii ni kutokana na jua linavyosogea kutoka nyumba ya zodiaki (nyota za unajimu) ya Pisces (Nyota ya samaki) ikielekea nyumba nyingine. Au kwa sababu ya neno la poisson ambalo maana yake ni samaki, hivyo ni ugeuzaji wa neno la 'passion' ambayo ina maana ya 'kuteseka'. Kwa hiyo ni alama ya kuteseka aliyovumulia Nabii 'Iysa ('Alayhis Salaam) kama walivyodai Wakristo. Na madai yao haya yalitokea wiki ya kwanza katika mwezi wa April.
Baadhi ya makafiri wameiita siku hii 'Siku nzima ya wajinga' kama inavyojulikana Kingereza. Hii ni kwa sababu uongo wanaousema ili wale wanaousikia waamini kwa hiyo wanakuwa ni waathirika wa wale wanaowafanyia dhihaka.
Utajo wa mwanzo kabisa kwa Lugha ya Kingereza ilikuwa ni katika gazeti la Dreck. Siku ya pili ya Aprili 1698 M, gazeti hili lilitaja kwamba idadi kadha ya watu walialikwa kuhudhuria uoshaji wa watu weusi katika mnara wa London asubuhi ya siku ya mwanzo ya Aprili.
Tukio maarufu kabisa lililotokea Ulaya tarehe 1 Aprili lilikuwa wakati gazeti la Kingereza 'Evening star' lilipotangaza mwezi wa Machi 1746 M kwamba siku ya pili tarehe 1 Aprili, kutakuwa na gwaride la punda mji wa Islington Uingereza. Watu wakakimbilia kuwatazama wanyama hao na kulikuwa na zahma kubwa. Wakaendelea kusubiri na walipochoka kusubiri, waliuliza kutaka kujua hili gwaride litakuweko baada ya muda gani. Hawakupata jibu, hivyo wakatambua kuwa wamekuja kufanya maonyesho yao wenyewe kama kwamba wao ndio mapunda.
Mmoja wao ameandika kuhusu asili ya uzushi huu kwa kusema: Wengi wetu tunasherehekea siku inayojulikana kuwa ni April Fool, au ikiwa itafasiriwa kihalisi 'Siku ya Ujanja'. Lakini je, tunajua siri chungu inayohusikana na siku hii?
Habari nyingine ambazo usahihi wake umetiliwa shaka na wanahistoria ni kuwa:
Waislamu walipotawala Hispania (Spain) takriban miaka elfu iliyopita, kulikuwa na nguvu kubwa ya utawala wa Kiislam ambayo haikuwezekana kuivunja. Wakristo wa Kimagharibi walitamani kuufuta Uislamu katika mgongo wa ardhi na walifaulu kwa kiwango fulani.
Walijaribu kuzuia Uislamu kusambaa Hispania na walitaka kuuzima na wautoweshe kabisa lakini hawakufaulu, ingawa walijaribu mara nyingi bila ya kufaulu.
Baada ya hapo, makafiri walituma majasusi Hispania kufanya utafiti ili kujua siri ya nguvu za Waislamu ambayo haikuwezekana kuishinda. Wakatambua kuwa kushikamana na Taqwa (Ucha Mungu) ndio sababu.
Wakristo walipotambua siri ya nguvu za Waislamu, wakaanza kufikiria mikakati za kuvunja nguvu hiyo. Na kwa ajili hii wakaanza kupeleka ulevi na sigara bure huko Hispania.
Mbinu hizi kwa upande wa Magharibi zilifaulu kuleta taathira na imani za Waislamu zikaanza kulegea, hasa miongoni mwa vizazi vipya Hispania. Matokeo yake ni kwamba Wakristo Wakatholiki waliikandamiza Hispania nzima na wakauangamiza utawala wa Kiislamu katika ardhi hiyo, utawala ambao ulidumu zaidi ya miaka mia. Ngome ya mwisho ya Waislamu Grenada ilianguka tarehe 1 Aprili, hivyo wakaichukulia kuwa ni 'Siku ya Ujanja ya Aprili' au 'Siku ya Wajinga ya April'. Ujanja kwa wale walioufanya, na Ujinga kwa wale waliofanyiwa na kutumbikia ndani yake.
Tokea mwaka huo hadi sasa, wanasherehekea siku hii na wanachukulia kuwa Waislamu ndio wajinga. Hawakuuhusisha ujinga huu na jeshi la Granada pekee kuwa ni wajinga, bali wamekusudia kuwa ni Umma wa Kiislamu mzima kuwa ni wajinga.
Hata hivyo, habari hizi tumezinukuu hapa kwa kuwa zimeenea sana miongoni wa Waislam, lakini kama tulivyotangulia kueleza, ni kuwa, uhakika na ukweli wake una mashaka kwa sababu kuna wanaosema kuwa wakati huo sigara na uvutaji tumbaku ulikuwa haujaanza hadi baada ya kushindwa Waislamu huko Hispania. Wahahistoria wanasema sababu za kushindwa Waislamu zilikuwa ni wenyewe kujiingiza zaidi kwenye mapenzi ya kidunia na starehe, pamoja na kuacha mafundisho sahihi ya Uislam na badala yake kuchanganya zaidi na falsafa ya Kigiriki na kutegemea zaidi fikra za kirumi katika kuendesha mambo yao badala ya mwongozo imara wa Kiislam. Kadhalika kuna Waislamu waliokuwa wakishirikiana na makafiri katika kupambana na makundi mengine ya Kiislam waliyokuwa hawaelewani nayo kama tunavyoona leo hii.
Baadhi Ya Udanganyifu Wanaodanganya Watu Katika Siku Hii:
Wengine wanapewa habari ya mmoja wa kipenzi chake katika familia kama mtoto, mke au mume kwamba amefariki na kwa wengine taarifa hizo husababisha hata kifo chao kutokana na kutokustahamili kupata mshtuko huo. Wengine wanapewa habari ya kufukuzwa kazi, au kuwashtua kwa habari mbaya kama kuunguliwa moto nyumba yake, au familia yake kupata ajali, na husababisha aathirike mtu kwa mshtuko huo hadi apate maradhi ya moyo, au maradhi ya kupooza au hata kifo cha ghafla.
Wengine wadanganywe kuwa wake zao wameonana na wanaume wengine, jambo ambalo husababisha mauaji au talaka ya wake.
Kuna visa visivyokuwa na mwisho na matukio yanayotokea kutokana na uongo huu. Uongo ambao umeharamishwa katika Uislamu na ambao haukubaliwi katika tabia za kiungwana.
Hukmu Ya Uongo Katika Uislamu:
Uongo ni tabia ovu kabisa ambao dini zote na mfumo wa elimu za maadili zimeonya dhidi yake, na pia asili ya kimaumbile ya binaadamu (fitrah) inakubaliana kuwa ni uovu.
Ukweli ni moja wa nguzo ambayo maadili ya maisha ya kiduniya yanategemea ili yahifadhike. Ni asasi ya tabia za kustahili kusifiwa, ni msingi wa Utume na matokeo ya taqwa. Isingelikuwa ni ukweli, hukumu za shari'ah za kufunuliwa kutoka mbinguni zingeliporomoka. Kuwa na tabia ya uongo ni ujamaa wa kupukusa tabia pekee ya ubinaadamu, kwani kuzungumza uongo ni uangamizaji wa hali ya kibinaadam.
(Bariyqah Mahmuudiyah, Muhammad al-Khaadimi, 3/183)
Shari'ah ya Kiislamu; Qur-aan na Sunnah inatuonya kusema uongo na kwa makubaliano ya wanachuoni kwamba ni haramu. Mtu muongo atachuma malipo mabaya duniani na Aakhirah.
Katika shari'ah, kuongopa hakuruhusiwi ila katika hali fulani ambazo hazipotezi haki za mtu, au kumwaga damu au kufedhehesha, au kumvunjia mtu heshima yake. Bali katika mas-ala ya kuokoa maisha, kusuluhisha baina ya watu au kujenga mapenzi baina ya mume na mke umeruhusiwa uongo. Wala shari'ah haikumrushu mtu aseme uongo wa utani usio na maana kama huu wa April Fool.
Makatazo Ya Kusema Uongo:
Allaah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) Anasema:
((إِنَّمَا يَفْتَرِي الْكَذِبَ الَّذِينَ لاَ يُؤْمِنُونَ بِآيَاتِ اللّهِ وَأُوْلئِكَ هُمُ الْكَاذِبُونَ))
((Wanaozua uongo ni wale tu wasioziamini Ishara za Allaah. Na hao ndio waongo)) [An-Nahl: 105]
Ibn Kathiyr amesema kuhusu Aayah hiyo:
"Allaah Anatuambia kwamba Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) sio mzushi au muongo, kwa sababu ni watu waovu tu ambao hawaamini alama za Allaah, makafiri na wanafiki wanaojulikana baina ya watu kwa uongo wao, uongo kuhusu Allaah na Mtume Wake (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam).
Mtume Muhammad (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) alikuwa ni mkweli kabisa miongoni mwa watu, mcha Mungu, mwenye elimu bora kabisa, mwenye matendo mema, tabia njema. Hakuna aliyekuwa na shaka naye hadi kwamba aliitwa 'Al-Amiyn' (Mkweli). Hivyo Hercules, mfalme wa Rome alipomuuliza Abu Sufyaan kuhusu tabia za Mjumbe wa Allaah (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam), jambo moja alilouliza lilikuwa ni: "Je, mmepata kumtuhumu kwa uongo kabla ya kusema aliyoyasema?". Alijibu: "Hapana". Hercules akasema: "Ikiwa alijiepusha kusema uongo kwa watu basi hawezi kusema uongo kuhusu Allaah". [Tafsiyr Ibnu Kathiyr, 2/588].
Imetoka kwa Abu Hurayrah (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhu) kwamba Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) amesema: ((Alama za mnafiki ni tatu; akizungumza husema uongo, akitoa ahadi huivunja, akiaminishwa kwa kitu hufanya khiyana" [Al-Bukhaariy na Muslim]
Uongo Ulio Muovu Kabisa:
1. Uongo Kuhusu Allaah Na Mtume Wake (Swalla Allaahu 'Alayhi Wa Aalihi Wa Sallam)
Huu ni uongo wa hatari kabisa na anayezua hivyo basi hupewa onyo kali. Baadhi wa Maulamaa wamesema kwamba anayezua uongo kama huu basi ashutumiwe kuwa kafiri.
Allaah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala) Anasema:
((قُلْ إِنَّ الَّذِينَ يَفْتَرُونَ عَلَى اللّهِ الْكَذِبَ لاَ يُفْلِحُونَ))
((Sema: Hao wanaomzulia uongo Allaah hawatofanikiwa)) [Yuunus: 69]
Imetoka kwa 'Aliy (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhu) kwamba Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) amesema: ((Msinizulie uongo. Yeyote atakayezua uongo kuhusu mimi basi ataingia motoni)) [Al-Bukhaariy]
Imetoka kwa Abu Hurayrah (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhu) kwamba Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) amesema: ((Yeyote atakayenizulia uongo basi ajitayarishie makazi yake motoni)) [Al-Bukhaariy na Muslim]
Ibnu Al-Qayyim amesema kuhusu maana ya Hadiyth hii kwamba: "Yeyote atakayezua uongo kuhusu mimi basi ajitayarishie makazi yake motoni ambako ataishi milele, na sio kama kambi ambayo mtu huishi kwa muda kisha akahamia kwengine" [Tariyqul-Hijratayn ukurasa 169]
2. Uongo Katika Kununua Na Kuuza
Uongo mwengine ni wakati mtu anapofanya biashara na katika kununua huzua na kuuza pia hudanganya.
Imetoka kwa Abu Dharr (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhu) kwamba Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) amesema: ((Watu watatu ambao Allaah Hatosema nao siku ya Qiyaamah na wala Hatawatazama wala kuwatukuza, na watapata adhabu iumizayo)) Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) alisema mara tatu. Abu Dharr akasema: "Waangamizwe na wapotezwe, ni nani hayo ewe Mjumbe wa Allaah?" Akasema: (([mwanaume] Mwenye kuachia nguo yake ivuke kiwiko cha mguu, mwenye kujisifu, na mwenye kufanya biashara yake kwa kuapa uongo)). [Muslim]
Imesimuliwa na Hakiym bin Hizaam (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhu) kwamba "Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa alihi wa sallam) amesema: ((Watu wawili wanaohusika na makubaliano ya biashara wanayo khiari (ya kuvunja makubaliano) hadi watakapofarikiana. Ikiwa waaminifu makubaliano yao yatabarikiwa na wakikhini kitu na kusema uongo, baraka itafutwa katika makubaliano yao)) [Al-Bukhaariy na Muslim]
Shaykhul-Islaam ibnu Taymiyyah amesema:
Allaah Ameusia ukweli na uaminifu, na Ameharamisha uongo na khiana katika mambo yapasayo kujulikana na kufunuliwa kwa watu kama alivyosema Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) ((Watu wawili wanaohusika na makubaliano ya biashara wanayo khiari (ya kuvunja makubaliano) hadi watakapofarikiana. Ikiwa waaminifu makubaliano yao yatabarikiwa na wakikhini kitu na kusema uongo, baraka itafutwa katika makubaliano yao)) na Allaah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala) Anasema:
((يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ كُونُواْ قَوَّامِينَ لِلّهِ شُهَدَاء بِالْقِسْطِ وَلاَ يَجْرِمَنَّكُمْ شَنَآنُ قَوْمٍ عَلَى أَلاَّ تَعْدِلُواْ اعْدِلُواْ هُوَ أَقْرَبُ لِلتَّقْوَى))
((Enyi mlioamini! Kuweni wasimamizi madhubuti kwa ajili ya Allaah mkitoa ushahidi kwa haki. Wala kuchukiana na watu kusikupelekeeni kutofanya uadilifu. Fanyeni uadilifu. Hivyo ndio kuwa karibu mno na uchaji Allaah)) [Al-Maaidah: 8] [Minhaajus-Sunnah 1/16]
3. Kuharamishwa Uongo Kuhusu Njozi Na Ndoto
Hii ni kuhusu baadhi ya watu wanaodai kuwa wameona ndoto kadhaa kisha asubuhi wanawasimulia watu mambo ambayo wala hawakuyaona.
Imetoka kwa Ibn 'Abbaas (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhuma) kwamba Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa alihi wa sallam) amesema: ((Yeyote atakayesimulia ndoto ambayo hakuiona, ataamrishwa (Siku ya Qiyaamah) aunganishe pamoja chembe mbili za shayiri, lakini hatoweza. Yeyote atakayetega masikio (kwa umbea) kusikiliza mazungumzo ya watu ambao wasingelipenda (yeye asikilize), au ambao wanamuepuka atamiminiwa shaba ya moto iliyoyeyushwa katika masikio yake siku ya Qiyaamah. Na Yeyote atakayetengeneza (kuchora au kuchonga) picha ataadhibiwa na ataambiwa aitie uhai (roho) na wala hatoweza)) [Al-Bukhaariy]
Al-Manaawiy amesema: "Kuunganisha shayiri mbili, lakini hatoweza kufanya hivyo" kwa sababu kuiunga moja kwa mwenziwe haiwezekani kikawaida. Ataadhibiwa mpaka aweze kuziunga, na wala hataweza kuziunga. Kama kwamba anasema, ameshurutishwa kufanya jambo asiloliweza na anaadhibiwa kwa hilo. Hii ni sitiari ya adhabu inayoendelea. Sababu ya kutajwa shayiri hasa, ni kwamba ndoto zina uhusiano na hisia (Kwa Kiarabu hisia ni shu'uur), maneno ya shayiri na shu'uur yanatokana na mzizi (asili ya neno) mmoja katika Kiarabu.
Adhabu ya aina hii ya uongo ni kali sana ingawa anapokuwa macho huenda akasababisha madhara zaidi, kwa sababu huenda yakahusiana na kutoa ushahidi na huenda yakampelekea kuuliwa au kupewa adhabu ya hadd. Hii ni kwa sababu kusema uongo kuhusu ndoto ni kumzulia Allaah (Subhaana wa Ta'aala) kwani ndoto ni sehemu ya Utume, hivyo zinatoka Kwake. Na kumzulia Muumba ni hatari zaidi kuliko kuwazulia viumbe. [Faydul-Kabiyr 6/99]
4. Kuharamishwa Kusema Kila Anachokisikia Mtu
Imesimuliwa kwamba Hafsw bin 'Aaswim amesema: Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa alihi wa sallam) amesema: ((Inatosheleza kuwa ni uongo kwa mtu anayesema kila anachokisikia)) [Muslim]
"Kutokana na maana ya Hadiyth kuhusu maudhui hii, tunaona kwamba inakatazwa kutaja au kuhadithia kila jambo analolisikia mtu, kwa sababu kawaida mtu anasikia yote ya kweli na uongo. Kwa hiyo ikiwa atasema kila anachokisikia atakuwa anasema uongo kwa kusema jambo lisilotokea. Tumetaja juu rai za watu wakweli, kwamba uongo una maana kwamba kusema au kuelezea jambo katika hali dhidi ya lilivyotokea. Sio sharti juu yake ikiwa limefanyika makusudi lakini kufanyika kwake makusudi kunashurutisha kuwa ni dhambi. Na Allaah Anajua zaidi" [Sharh Muslim 1/75]
5. Uongo Wa Utani
Watu wengine wanadhania kwamba inaruhusiwa kusema uongo wakati wa utani. Na huu ndio udhuru wanaoutoa katika kuongopa siku ya terehe 1 Aprili au siku nyinginezo. Hayo ni makosa. Hakuna msingi wa jambo hili katika sharia safi. Kuongopa ni haraam ikiwa ni kwa kutania au kwa dhati. Kuongopa kwa kutania ni haramu sawa sawa na kuongopa kwa aina yoyote nyingine.
Imesimuliwa kwamba 'Umar (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhu) amesema: Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa alihi wa sallam) amesema: ((Mimi hutania lakini sisemi ila ni ya kweli)) [At-Twabaraaniy katika 'Al-Mu'jam Al-Kabiyr 12/391 – Hadiyth hii imepewa daraja ya hasan na Al-Haythamiy katika Majma'a Az-Zawaaiyd 8/89 na Shaykh Al-Albaaniy ameipa daraja ya sahihi katika Swahiyh Al-Jaami' 2394]]
Imesimuliwa kwamba amesema: "Walisema, ewe Mjumbe wa Allaah, unafanya utani na sisi". Akasema: ((Lakini nnayoyasema ni ukweli tu)) [At-Tirmidhiy]
'Abdur-Rahmaan bin Abi Layla amesema: "Maswahaba wa Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) wametuambia kuwa walikuwa safarini pamoja na Mjumbe wa Allaah. Mtu mmoja miongoni mwao alilala na baadhi yao walikwenda kuchukua mishale yake. Alipoamka alishtuka (alipoona mishale yake haipo). Watu wakacheka. Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) akasema: ((Mnacheka nini?)) Wakasema: "Hakuna kitu isipokuwa tumechukua mishale yake na ameshtuka". Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) akasema: ((Haimpasi Muislamu kumtisha Muislamu mwingine)) [Abu Daawuud, Ahmad na Shaykh Al-Albaaniy ameipa daraja ya Swahiyh katika Swahiyh Al-Jaami']
Imesimuliwa kutoka kwa 'Abdullaah bin As-Saa'ib bin Yaziyd kutoka kwa baba yake, kutoka kwa babu yake kwamba amemsikia Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) akisema: ((Haimpasi yeyote katika nyinyi kuchukua kitu cha ndugu yake, ikiwa ni kwa utani au kwa vyovyote. Yeyote aliyechukua kijiti cha ndugu yake basi akirudishe)) [Abu Daawuud, At-Tirmidhiy na Shaykh Al-Albaaniy ameipa daraja ya hasan katika Swahiyh Al-Jaami']
6. Kuongopa Wakati Wa Kucheza Na Watoto
Lazima tutahadhari na kusema uongo tunapocheza na watoto kwa sababu itaandikwa katika kitabu cha hesabu. Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) ameonya jambo hili.
Imesimuliwa kwamba 'Abdullaah bin 'Aamir (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhu) alisema: "Siku moja mama yangu aliniita wakati alipokuwa Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) ameketi nyumbani kwetu. Akasema: Njoo hapa nikupe (kitu). Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) akasema: ((Je, unataka kumpa nini?)) Akasema: 'Nitampa tende'. Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) akasema: ((Kama usingelimpa basi ungelikuwa unasema uongo)).
Na imesimuliwa kwamba Abu Hurayrah (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhu) amesema: Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) amesema: ((Yeyote atakayemuambia mtoto 'njoo hapa uchukue hii' kisha asimpe kitu basi itahesabiwa ni uongo)) [Abu Daawuud na Shaykh Al-Albaaniy ameipa daraja ya hasan katika Swahiyh Al-Jaami']
7. Uongo Ili Kuchekesha Watu
Imesimuliwa kwamba Mu'aawiyah bin Hadah amesema: "Nimemsikia Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) akisema: ((Ole wake mtu anayezungumza kwa ajili ya kuwachekesha watu na akasema uongo, ole wake, ole wake)) [At-Trimidhiy akisema ni hadiyth hasan na Abu Daawuud]
Adhabu Kwa Ajili Ya Kusema Uongo:
Mwenye kusema uongo amepewa onyo kali la adhabu ya hizaya duniani na adhabu kali Aakhirah nazo ni kama zifuatazo:
-Unafiki Katika Moyo
Allaah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) Anasema:
((فَأَعْقَبَهُمْ نِفَاقًا فِي قُلُوبِهِمْ إِلَى يَوْمِ يَلْقَوْنَهُ بِمَا أَخْلَفُواْ اللّهَ مَا وَعَدُوهُ وَبِمَا كَانُواْ يَكْذِبُونَ))
((Basi Akawalipa unafiki kuutia nyoyoni mwao mpaka Siku watapokutana Naye, kwa sababu ya kuwa walimkhalifu Allaah katika yale waliyomuahidi, na kwa sababu ya kusema kwao uongo)) [At-Tawbah: 77]
'Abdullaah bin Mas'uud (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhu) amesema: "Unaweza kumjua mtu mnafiki kwa mambo matatu; anaposema anaongopa, anapotoa ahadi anaivunja, anapoaminiwa na amana hufanya khiyana". Akasema: "Someni Aayah hizi:
وَمِنْهُم مَّنْ عَاهَدَ اللّهَ لَئِنْ آتَانَا مِن فَضْلِهِ لَنَصَّدَّقَنَّ وَلَنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ الصَّالِحِينَ)) ((فَلَمَّا آتَاهُم مِّن فَضْلِهِ بَخِلُواْ بِهِ وَتَوَلَّواْ وَّهُم مُّعْرِضُونَ)) ((فَأَعْقَبَهُمْ نِفَاقًا فِي قُلُوبِهِمْ إِلَى يَوْمِ يَلْقَوْنَهُ بِمَا أَخْلَفُواْ اللّهَ مَا وَعَدُوهُ وَبِمَا كَانُواْ يَكْذِبُونَ))
((Na miongoni mwao wapo waliomuahidi Allaah kwa kusema: Akitupa katika fadhila Yake hapana shaka tutatoa sadaka, na tutakuwa katika watendao mema)) ((Alipowapa katika fadhila Yake wakaifanyia ubakhili na wakageuka, na huku wakipuuza)) ((Basi Akawalipa unafiki kuutia nyoyoni mwao mpaka Siku watapokutana Naye, kwa sababu ya kuwa walimkhalifu Allaah katika yale waliyomuahidi, na kwa sababu ya kusema kwao uongo)) [At-Tawbah: 75-77]
[Muswanaf Ibn Abi Shaybah, 6/125]
-Uongo Humpeleka Mtu Motoni
Imesimuliwa kwamba 'Abdullaah bin Mas'uud amesema: " Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) amesema: ((Ukweli ni utiifu, na utiifu huelekeza Peponi. Mtu ataendelea kusema ukweli hadi Ataandikiwa na Allaah kuwa ni mkweli. Uongo ni uovu, na uovu huelekeza motoni. Mtu ataendelea kusema uongo hadi Ataandikiwa kuwa ni muongo)) [Al-Bukhaariy na Muslim]
As-Swan'aaniy amesema:
"Hadiyth hii inaonyesha kwamba yeyote anayeendelea kusema ukweli, itakuwa ni wasifu wake, na yeyote anayesema uongo makusudi na kuendelea, itakuwa ni wasifu wake. Hii ni sawa kama kitendo chochote kingine chema au kiovu. Mtu akiendelea nacho kinakuwa ndio sifa yake.
Vile vile Hadiyth hii inaonyesha jinsi gani ilivyo muhimu kusema ukweli hadi kwamba unampeleka mtu Peponi na imeonyesha vipi ubaya wa kusema uongo hadi unampeleka mtu motoni. Juu ya hivyo, bado kuna matokeo ya adhabu za duniya kwani anayesema ukweli atakuwa anakubaliwa usemi wake na watu na ushahidi wake utakubaliwa na jaji na atapendwa kwa yale anayoyasema. Ama mtu muongo ni dhidi ya hayo". [Subul-As-Salaam 2/687]
-Ushahidi Wake Utakanushwa
Ibnul-Qayyim amesema kuhusu sababu ya ushahidi wa mtu muongo kukanushwa:
"Sababu ya nguvu kabisa kwa nini katika kutoa ushahidi, fatwa na ripoti zikanushwe ni kusema uongo, kwa sababu inafisidi asili ya ushahidi, fatwa au taarifa. Ni kama ushahidi wa kipofu kuona mwezi mpya, au ushahidi wa kiziwi kuhusu kusikia kuruhusiwa kuingia mtu mahali. Ulimi unaoongopa ni kama baadhi ya uelekevu ambao haufanyi kazi tena. Hakika ni mbaya zaidi kuliko hivyo, kwani kitendo kiovu kabisa mtu kumiliki ni ulimi muongo." [I’ilaam Al-Muwaqqi'iyn 1/95]
-Nyuso Kuwa Nyeusi Duniani Na Aakhirah
Allaah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) Anasema:
((وَيَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ تَرَى الَّذِينَ كَذَبُواْ عَلَى اللَّهِ وُجُوهُهُم مُّسْوَدَّةٌ أَلَيْسَ فِي جَهَنَّمَ مَثْوًى لِّلْمُتَكَبِّرِينَ))
((Na Siku ya Qiyaamah utawaona waliomsingizia uongo Allaah nyuso zao zimesawijika (zimekuwa nyeusi). Je! Si katika Jahannamu makaazi ya wanaotakabari?)) [Az-Zumar: 60]
Ibnul-Qayyim amesema: "Hivyo siku ya Qiyaamah Allaah (Subhaana Wa Ta'aala) Atazifanya nyuso ziwe alama za waliosema uongo kuhusu Allaah na Mjumbe Wake. Kusema uongo kunaleta taathira kubwa ya kufanya nyuso ziwe nyeusi na kuzifunika na kitambaa cha hizaya na kila mtu mkweli ataziona nyuso hizo. Wasifu wa mtu muongo utatambulikana dhahiri kabisa usoni na kila mtu aliye na macho ataweza kumuona. Lakini Allaah (Subhaana wa Ta'aala) Anambariki mtu mkweli kwa hadhi na heshima ili yeyote atakayemuona atamuheshimu na kumpenda. Na Atampa muongo fedheha na aibu ili yeyote atakayemuona atamchukia na kumdharau. Na Allaah Ni Mwenye Chanzo cha Nguvu" [A'alaam Al-Muwaqqi'iyn 1/95]
-Mtu Muongo Atachanwa Mashavu Yake Kutoka Kisogoni
Imesimuliwa kwamba Samurah bin Jundub (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhu) amesema:"Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) alikuwa akiwaambia mara kwa mara Maswahaba zake: ((Je, kuna yeyote miongoni mwenu aliyeona ndoto?)). Kisha yeyote aliyejaaliwa na Allaah ataelezea ndoto yake. Siku moja alituambia: (([Malaika] Wawili walinijia jana usiku na kuniamsha, kisha wakaniambia: 'Twende…' Tukatoka na kwenda hadi tukafika kwa mtu aliyelala chali na mwengine amesimama juu ya kichwa chake akiwa na ndoana ya chuma. (Akashtuka aliyoyaona na kusema) Na kitu gani cha kutazama! Alikuwa akitia ndoana katika upande mmoja mdomoni mwa mwenzake (aliyelala) akimchana kutoka upande mmoja wa uso hadi nyuma (ya shingo) na hivyo hivyo akiichana pua kutoka mbele hadi nyuma ya macho yake kisha akiendelea kufanya hivyo hivyo kama alivyofanya kwa upande mwingine. Hawahi kumaliza kumchana upande mmoja ila upande mwingine unarudishwa hali yake (ya mwanzo). Kisha hurudia kufanya hivyo hivyo upya tena. Nikasema kwa Maswahaba zangu (Malaika) wawili, 'Subhaana Allaah! Ni watu gani hawa wawili?' Wakaniambia: 'Endelea kwenda, endelea kwenda!' (kisha akasema akielezea vipi Malaika wawili wakielezea mambo aliyokuwa akiyaona): 'Ama yule mtu uliyemuona kuwa anachanwa mdomo, pua na macho yake, ni alama ya mtu anayetoka nyumbani kwake asubuhi na kusema uongo mwingi hadi unasambaa duniani kote')) [Al-Bukhaariy]
Kauli Za Maswahaba Kuhusu Uongo:
Abu Bakr As-Swiddiyq (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhu):
"Tahadharini na uongo kwani hauna uhusiano na Iymaan".
'Umar Ibnul-Khatwtwaab (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhu):
"Iymaan ya dhaati haiwezi kupatikana hadi mtu aache uongo wa utani"
'Abdullaah bin Mas'uud (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhu):
"Mtu atasema ukweli na kuendelea kufanya hivyo hadi hakutakuwa na nafasi ya uovu katika moyo wake japo kama ni wa kiasi cha sindano. Au mtu atasema uongo na kuendelea kufanya hivyo hadi hakutakuwa na nafasi ya ukweli katika moyo wake japo kama ni wa kiasi cha sindano".
Vile vile amesema: "Haimpasi mtu kusema uongo ikiwa ni kwa kutania au kikweli". Kisha Ibn Mas'uud akasoma Aayah:
((يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ اتَّقُواْ اللّهَ وَكُونُواْ مَعَ الصَّادِقِينَ))
((Enyi mlioamini! Mcheni Allaah, na kuweni pamoja na wakweli)) [At-Tawbah: 119]
Sa'ad bin Abi Waqqaasw (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhu)
"Muumini anaweza kuwa na sifa zote isipokuwa usaliti na uongo"
[Muswannaf Ibn Abi Shaybah, 5/235, 236]
Aina Ya Uongo Unaoruhusiwa:
Uongo unaruhusiwa katika hali tatu; kwenye vita, kusuluhisha baina ya watu wawili waliogombana, mume kumuongopea mkewe au kinyume chake kwa ajili ya mapenzi na maelewano.
Imesimuliwa kutoka kwa Ummu Kulthuum bint 'Uqbah (Radhiya Allaahu 'anhaa) kwamba amemsikia Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) akisema: ((Sio muongo mwenye kupatanisha baina ya watu na akasimulia jambo zuri au akasema maneno mazuri)) [Al-Bukhaariy, Muslim]
Imesimuliwa kwamba Asmaa bin Yaziyd amesema: Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) amesema: ((Hairuhusiwi kusema uongo isipokuwa katika hali tatu; mtu anapozungumza na mkewe katika njia ya kumfurahisha, kusema uongo katika vita, na uongo kwa ajili ya kusuluhisha baina ya watu)) [At-Tirmidhiy na Shaykh Al-Albaaniy ameipa daraja ya Swahiyh katika Swahiyh Al-Jaami']
Khitimisho:
Baada ya kutambua chanzo cha siku hiyo ya April Fool, uongo na madhara yake, basi tujitahidi nafsi zetu kutosherehekea siku hiyo kabisa, ili tubakie katika tabia ya ukweli daima. Hata kama si muhimu kujua chanzo cha siku hii, bali lililo muhimu ni kujua hukumu ya kusema uongo na khofu ya adhabu zake kama tulivyopata mafundisho katika Aayah na Hadiyth zilizotangulia.
Hiyo ni Shari'ah ya Allaah (Subhaana wa Ta'ala) ambayo ina Hikma inayorekebisha nafsi za binaadamu kubakia katika hali ya fitrah (asili ya maumbile) ili abakie binaadamu daima ni mwenye kuishi salama na amani katika jamii, na vile vile ajiepushe na adhabu kali Alizoziandaa Mola Mtukufu kwa maovu kama hayo.
Mafundisho muhimu na yatakayoonekana mapya kwa wengi wetu tunayoyapata katika makala haya ni kujihadhari na matani yaliyojaa uongo; tukitazama matani mengi hadi yawe matani basi kutakuwepo na uongo ndani yake, na utani haufurahishi kwa wengi hadi uwe na udanganyifu na hila ndani yake, hivyo tujihadhari sana Waislam na uongo kwenye matani. Vilevile tujiepushe na tabia mbaya ambayo baadhi yetu wanaipenda, nayo ni kuleta matani watu wacheke, au kuwafurahisha watu kwa matani. Kuna watu kazi yao kukaa vijiweni na kumwaga matani hadi wakawa wanajulikana kwa sifa hiyo na wasipoonekana siku moja ni pengo kwenye kijiwe! Hadi inafika mtu jina lake kubadilishwa na kuitwa Fulani Matani! Na kuna wengine ambao tabia yao ni kupenda kuwa katika mwangaza daima (kuonekana) na kuwa na tabia ya kujipendekeza na haswa kwa watu wa jinsia tofauti ili akusanye sifa au kupendeka, mwisho akawa anajulikana kwa kufanya sifa hizo na vituko ambavyo vimejaa uongo, matusi, kuigiza wenzake, kebehi n.k.
Kadhaalika, tuifuate Hadiyth isemayo: ((Mwenye kumuamini Allaah na siku ya mwisho, aseme kheri (maneno mazuri/ ukweli) au anyamaze...)) [Hadiyth kutoka kwa Abu Hurayrah iliyosimuliwa na Al-Bukhaariy na Muslim]
Tunamuomba Allaah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala) Aturuzuku ukweli daima na Ajaalie ndimi zetu ziseme yanayopasa tu kusema na Atujaalie miongoni mwa walioamini na wasemao kweli (Swiddiyqiyn). Aamiyn.

Saturday, March 24

WORLD'S 10 MOST BEAUTIFUL AND UGLY CITIES

WORLD'S 10 MOST BEAUTIFUL CITIES

1 | VENICE


Among those who've seen it in person, the conclusion is unanimous: Venice is the most beautiful city in the world, and the only one that can truly be described as unique. Each building is a work of art, with their beauty enhanced when reflected on the canals that cross the city. Its magical scenery is fascinating and breathtaking at first sight, evoking the feeling of entering the setting of a real-life fairy tale. It's perhaps even unfair to all other cities to call Venice a city, as it is a place unlike any other, that no other can compare to, or ever be like.

2 | PARIS

The Seine and the bridges that cross it, the grand boulevards, the monumental squares, the magnificent monuments, the charming streets of Montmartre -- these images of Paris confirm that it is indeed the most elegant and sophisticated of all cities. It has inspired practically every major world capital, with every city claiming its own Champs-Elysèes, and Place des Vosges becoming the prototype of residential squares throughout Europe. Sit at an outdoor café table or go on a boat tour of the Seine and see it all romantically flash before your eyes.

3 | PRAGUE

It is known as the city of the thousand spires because of its profusion of grand, beautifully-preserved historical monuments dating from practically every period in history. Those spires are best admired from the bridges that cross the Vltava River, especially from the magnificent Charles Bridge, or standing in the stunningly beautiful Old Town Square. Add the atmospheric alleyways and cobbled streets that lead to it, and you know that few other cities delight the senses as much as Prague.

4 | LISBON

Magnificently sited on a series of hills running down to the grand Tagus River, Lisbon is one of the world's most scenic cities. Beautiful unexpected views are found at every turn down its colorful, picturesque streets, and especially from strategically-placed viewpoints or terraces at the top of each hill. The city has an unpolished, seductive appearance; an effortless beauty with captivating details such as cobbled designs, tiled façades, and pastel-colored buildings blending together to give it a singular atmosphere now lost in so many other cities. In such a stunning place, it's no wonder that many of the world's great explorers questioned what other beauties lied beyond the horizon when they departed from here in the 15th century.

5 | RIO DE JANEIRO

There are those who say God created the world in six days and devoted a seventh to Rio. The city is indeed blessed with one of the most stunning settings in the world, making it the most naturally beautiful city in the world. Even if it was deserted of buildings and population, anyone standing at the top of the famous Sugar loaf Mountain or by the Corcovado statue would see one of the world's most beautiful landscapes. Green, tropical luxuriance mixes with the blue of the ocean and the brightness of the sand at the beaches, proving that this is indeed "the marvelous city" as locals call it.

6 | AMSTERDAM

Each of the thousands of buildings that line Amsterdam's main canals can be classified as a monument, beautifully kept as apartments, offices, cafés, restaurants, and even brothels. All together they form an aesthetic uniformity that make the city one of the most charming in the world, a stunning place of bridges and bikes crossing canals, picturesque cobbled streets, and strikingly elegant architecture.

7 | FLORENCE

Florence is synonymous with the Italian Renaissance, known for the artistic heritage in its palaces and museum collections. Yet with all the beauty both inside and outside its palazzi's walls, it is the city as a whole that impresses the most. See it from Piazzale Michelangelo, a 19th century terrace overlooking the entire city, and you'll be looking at one of the most storybook-perfect cityscapes. You'll see its unspoiled skyline, the towers and domes of the heart of the city, its bridges, the hills in the distance, and the magnificent Duomo standing in the middle of it all. Few other places in the world will leave you as awestruck.

8 | ROME

The city standing on seven hills by the Tiber River is a treasure-trove of monuments among some of the most beautiful squares and classical architecture in the world. Because everyone visits Rome for its landmarks, its picturesque streets are often overlooked, such as those of the Trastevere district, filled with charming lanes, faded palazzi, and lovely homes decorated with flower boxes. It is on streets like those that Rome proves itself to really be eternal.

9 | BUDAPEST

Split in two by the Danube River, Budapest is the result of the merging of three cities. Buda is the hill with the royal palace and an old town filled with baroque and gothic monuments looking over the mostly-19th century Pest, crossed by broad avenues lined with elegant neo-renaissance buildings. Admire its setting and remarkable architecture (including the stunning Parliament Building) from the monumental Chain Bridge, and step into the old town for some of the most romantic lanes you'll ever stroll through.

10 | BRUGES

It's a small city, in a small country, hardly a metropolis, but huge on beauty. It's one of the world's best preserved medieval cities, filled with gothic and baroque monuments surrounded by an oval canal and extraordinarily romantic cobbled lanes. It's no wonder that it is one of Europe's most visited cities, helped by its location in the very center of the continent. It's an unmissable destination when in Brussels, and easily accessible from anywhere in central Europe. Its combination of gorgeous architecture and pretty, peaceful spots crisscrossed by canals make it one of the most magical sites to be experienced in the world.

WORLD'S 10 MOST UGLY CITIES

We've made the list of the world's 10 most beautiful cities, now we present the ten ugliest. There may be countless ugly small and medium-sized cities around the world, but these are the ten least attractive of the world's capitals and major cities. If you live in any of these places, you'll surely disagree, but here is our unbiased list:

1 | GUATEMALA CITY, GUATEMALA
This fumes-and-crime-filled city is the capital of an otherwise beautiful country. It looks more like a slum than a capital city, with most buildings appearing on the verge of collapse.

2 | MEXICO CITY, MEXICO

It's currently known as one of the world's most dangerous cities, but even if it was a safe haven, it still would not be a very inviting city. It's one of the world's most polluted and there isn't much to look at.

3 | AMMAN, JORDAN

The capital of the country with one of the world's most fascinating historical sites (magical Petra) should simply be an arrival and departure point on your travel itinerary. Unless you enjoy dirty, chaotic streets and ugly buildings looking like they're crumbling on top of each other.

4 | CARACAS, VENEZUELA

Venezuela is known for its extraordinary success at international beauty pageants and Venezuelan women are famous for their plastic surgery-enhanced bodies, but the country's capital sure is no beauty. Not only is it surrounded by shantytowns, its most central districts seem devoid of planning and style.

5 | LUANDA, ANGOLA

It's undergoing a spectacular boom as the capital of Africa's recent economic success story, but let's hope the new development creates something more attractive than what we see now: ugly apartment buildings dotting the skyline of what incredibly is the world's most expensive city.

6 | CHISINAU, MOLDOVA
Moldova's capital is an eyesore. It's an industrial city mostly made up of very ugly Soviet-style apartment buildings, most of them decaying (and not very clean either). There are many unattractive Soviet-era cities in Eastern Europe, but we expect more from a capital.

7 | HOUSTON, USA
Houston, we have a problem: You're ugly. This is the United States' fourth largest city when it comes to population, but the attraction sure isn't scenery. There are many other ugly American cities (let's face it -- American metropolises aren't exactly beauties: Atlanta, Cleveland...), but this one should win the title of ugliest of them all, with a large impoverished and homeless population (close to one in five families live below the poverty line) and a cityscape with no formal zoning regulations.

8 | DETROIT, USA
Here's the ugly truth: Detroit is ugly. Not just aesthetically but also in quality of life, which explains why it lost a quarter of its population in a decade. One of the highest crime rates in the country may have contributed to that, but this is also a dirty, rundown city mostly made up of brick, concrete and glass. Not pretty.

9 | SÃO PAULO, BRAZIL

Nature seems to have concentrated all of its efforts on Rio and completely forgotten Brazil's other big metropolis. São Paulo may be one of the world's most exciting cities when it comes to dining and shopping, but there's no question that it's one big ugly concrete jungle.

10 | LOS ANGELES, USA
A city known for its congested highways is enough to make it unattractive, but then there isn't much to look at walking down the street either (if anyone actually walks -- this is one of the world's least pedestrian-friendly cities). Despite the allure of Hollywood and the beaches nearby, Los Angeles is simply not the prettiest place on Earth. As one of the world's most famous cities there is no excuse for lack of beautification year after year.


nb: don't ask me but I thought most of the African cities are the ugliest includig dar es salaam, mbeya and mwanza but they are not on the list this is according to a google search I did

Tuesday, March 20

How to Stop Lip Biting

By a series of coincidences and misunderstandings, I’d ended up at an afternoon cocktail party for local SIPs (semi-important people) and found myself chatting urbanely to a distinguished gentleman about affairs of the day. He was a local dignitary. I thought I was being lucid, engaging; a man of the world. He was using long words and so was I.
Pride really does come before a fall. As he spoke earnestly, my teeth missed the hors d’oeuvre for which they’d been aiming and I bit painfully into my own lip. Ouch!
You’d think that after a lifetime of eating practice, these kinds of nibbling errors would have been ironed out. I winced, pretending that nothing was awry as pain stabbed my lower lip like Norman Bates in a motel shower. Said suited man continued talking (still using long words). I nodded manically and wondered if he questioned why his ideas on local car parking were causing my eyes to fill with tears.
That experience was an idiotic accident, but some people bite their own lips habitually when they’re nervous, bored, stressed, or distracted. Lips are living things that can be pierced, shredded, ripped, and torn, leaving them bleeding and scabbing.
Ouch again!
If you want to stop biting your lips habitually, follow these tips and, like me, you’ll reduce the incidence of auto-lip-biting to just the very occasional mis-chew.

Tip 1: Spot your own triggers
The clue is in the word: ‘e-motion’. Emotions want motion, movement. Whether we’re anxious, angry, or elated, we want to move. But lower-level emotions (such as a ‘background’ sense of stress or excitement) also want us to move (though perhaps minimally); this ‘movement’ may manifest as nervous throat clearing, hair pulling, scratching, or…lip biting.
Think carefully about any times when you might typically dine on your own flesh. Is it more likely to happen when you’re tired, upset, angry, or worried?

Tip 2: Stop lip biting but keep moving
Knowing your own danger times and planning to break the habit is a first step. Ted bit his lips often, usually when he was anxious about his work. He noticed that he was more likely to lip bite in the evenings, after work, in the hour before eating his evening meal. Since his emotion wanted motion, I suggested he use this ‘danger hour’ to tend his garden before eating. Rigorous digging and focussed planting meant that his need to move (brought about through stress) was now being met constructively. It was a start and certainly helped him diminish his lip biting.

Tip 3: Deal with stress directly
When we relax completely, we can find real stillness. As you rest deeply and stress chemicals within you diminish, your arm, leg, and back muscles all relax and so become still and peaceful. No fight, no flight; just stillness.
The fact is, when you’re that relaxed, you don’t feel like moving. The more relaxed you feel in the day, the less you’ll feel the need for unnecessary moving/lip biting. As is the case with exercise, the benefits of relaxation don’t just exist during the relaxation period itself. If you take time out to relax for twenty minutes a day, you’ll feel more relaxed for many hours afterwards.
Regular relaxation is vital, so listen to a calming CD or download. And if possible, relax before a period when lip biting had typically been more likely to happen.

Tip 4: Use the ‘scramble technique’
The more we do something - anything - the more automatic it becomes and the more we do it unthinkingly. So sometimes the habitual pattern can be so automated that it continues even after you’ve dealt with the stresses in your life and started to relax a great deal more.
When we talk about ‘reprogramming’ the mind, we really mean breaking an old pattern in order to reintroduce greater flexibility. And everything we do can be broken down into parts. For example, I asked Ted to ‘teach me’ how he did his lip biting. How did he know when to start, or to finish? After some thought, we’d broken his lip biting pattern down into these steps:
A building sense of tension in his whole body.
Suddenly catching himself biting his lips.
Feeling an initial sense of relief.
Wanting to bite some more.
Starting to feel pain and sometimes notice blood.
Increasing pain.
Stopping, either when his lips were too painful or he became distracted by something else.
I then asked Ted to close his eyes as I read out all his lip biting steps in order. As I did so, Ted imagined the feeling of each step in turn (without actually biting his lips).
We did this a couple of times to make sure it ‘felt right’. Then we began to scramble the pattern. I got him to start at step 6, then to get a sense of number 1, then 7. Pretty soon, the whole pattern had become so scrambled in his mind that he couldn’t get the feelings of the old pattern. He felt this was the single most powerful factor in helping him stop lip biting.
Write out your steps (which can be feelings, actions, or both). Then close your eyes and practice accessing the feelings and imagining the actions for each step. Do this in order to begin with, then start to mix it up until it feels difficult to access the old pattern.

Tip 5: Use self-hypnosis to stop lip bitingActually, the scrambling technique is a hypnotic induction in itself (a hypnotic induction and technique can sometimes be as one), but there are other ways to use hypnosis to help you stop biting your lips. Close your eyes and focus your mind on really connecting to your lips. Almost as if you can talk directly to them.
Tell them (and this doesn’t sound so crazy when you’re actually doing hypnosis) that from now on, you’re going to protect them from the teeth because they are not food. Next, talk to your teeth and tell them that they are very useful, but have been counterproductive and that your lips now need them to focus just on useful chewing. Then begin to visualize yourself from the outside in situations in which you used to lip chew; but now, watch your lips and teeth living in harmony, respecting one another, and you looking so much more generally relaxed and at ease.

For a flavour of this kind of approach, click on the free audio session below.

Monday, March 12

How to Stop Drinking Wine Every Day

8 tips to limit wine drinking and stop damaging your health, wealth, and wisdom
I've been there myself. Time to crack open a bottle of red/white/rose. It's the end of the day, the evening, time to relax, unwind. Come on! We’re all nannied to death, aren't we? The state cant help but interfere in our lives - guidelines and directives about everything. And anyway, were told red wine is good for us and that gives us carte Blanche to swig gallons of the stuff. If a little is good, more must be better - right?
A bit of exercise is good - overdoing it could make you sick.
One aspirin may cure your headache - 100 aspirins will not make you 100 times better.
Some wine may be good for you - too much can kill you.
Stop winning; it's my life!
I’m all for people living their lives how they choose. And I love wine; but, as we all know, more is most definitely not better, not in the long- or even short-term. It’s easy to kid ourselves we’re not drinking too much wine, to pretend it's harmless. But millions of people have let an innocent nightly tipple turn into a mortally threatening compulsion. Free will is important and that stretches two ways. Sure, people should choose what they do, but compulsion steals the very freedom of choice we all value so much.

So how much wine is too much?
According to most guidelines, one drink is equivalent to:
5 ounces of wine.
12 ounces of beer.
1.5 ounces of 80-proof distilled spirits, such as vodka.
These same guidelines recommend one drink each day for women and two for men. Many people are surprised by this. One woman I know never seems to drink less than two bottles of wine a night. But even just a few glasses a night add up to a significant health risk.
What exactly are the dangers of excessive wine consumption?
Reduce wine drinking to avoid all this
Too much wine too often can:
Make you fat - alcohol supplies calories with few essential nutrients. What’s more, the sugar in alcohol can stimulate appetite, making you want to eat more. Obesity carries its own risks, including heart disease and some cancers.
Cause chronic liver damage.
Prematurely age your body (particularly the skin).
Disrupt the quality (if not the quantity) of your sleep. And impaired sleep brings its own health problems.
Make you chronically tired and unable to concentrate the next day.
Make you feel at the mercy of an addiction.
Disrupt your sex hormones, with the possibility of loss of fertility in women and depletion of testosterone in men causing loss of sexual response.
Mm, think I'll just put that wine back in the fridge.
If you feel that your daily wine drinking habit has become or is getting out of control, here are some timely tips to help you reduce your wine drinking:

Tip 1: Keep a record
Before you change anything, keep an honest record for a week of all the wine you drink, all the bottles. Be brutally honest with yourself. Head-in-the-sand avoidance is so dangerous when it comes to health. You need to know the situation exactly. At the same time, keep a money record. Add up how much money you've been spending on wine per week, per month, and, by logical extension of this, per year. Know the beast.

Tip 2: Don't save up all your drinks for the weekend
It's a curious thing. We all seem to think in terms of banking. If I save up by not drinking too much wine during the week, then I'll be in credit and so be able to drink loads at the weekend. Drinking a lot sometimes is better than drinking lots all the time, but binge drinking is still harmful.

Tip 3: Find another wind-down ritual
We like demarcations, ways to delineate between ‘then’ and ‘now’, and people have many ways to ‘shift gear from work or day mode to evening time. It's not always the wine itself we become addicted to, but the ritual of shifting gear. And this still needs to happen, albeit in a healthier way.
At the time you'd normally start on the wine - say, six o’clock - take a warm shower instead. Disrupt the pattern. There are lots of ways to wind down that don’t make your head fuzzy and your skin tired.

Tip 4: Slow down!
Gulping down wine like theres no tomorrow is a sure-fire way to, well, drink more wine. We can drink so fast we forget to taste. People do the same with food and get very fat. You can enjoy one glass of wine and make it last. Saviour it, drinking one glass over an entire evening. Set this as a challenge to yourself and learn to do it.

Tip 5: Take days off
Drinking too much wine every day is hard work for your body. Start by assigning yourself one day off and get used to not drinking any wine on this day. Once thats a cinch for you, then start adding more wine-free days - but remember Tip 2. Don't make up for this time out by drinking more on other days. The overall effect should be for you to cut back your total weekly amount.

Tip 6: Don't keep wine in the house
It’s too easy, of course, to quaff the wine when it’s readily available. Make a point of not buying bottles in the store when you do your weekly shop. Buy one bottle at a time and take care not to buy more wine for at least three days. Don't make it easy for yourself to overindulge.

Tip 7: Don't run to wine at the drop of a hat (or any setback)
“I had to have a glass of wine after what he said to me!”
“What a day! Where's the wine?”
“Someone just asked me if I'm pregnant! I'm not! I need a glass of wine!”
In the course of most days, there are little upsets (sometimes major upsets), but there are better ways to respond than drinking yet more wine. Start practicing dealing with the normal stresses and strains of life by not reaching for the bottle.

Tip 8: Mentally prepare to remain wine-free
It's much easier to behave in a certain way if the mind (and body) expect to behave in that way. Strongly envisaging a day of not boozing on wine will make it both easier and seem more natural to remain dry. Close your eyes, relax, and imagine seeing yourself going through the whole day free of wine.
For a quick (non-alcoholic) taste of this exercise, click on the free audio below.
And as no less a personage than Will Shakespeare wrote: “Good wine is a good familiar creature if it be well used.”

Share this article

7 Easy Quit Smoking Tips


Quitting smoking can be hard or easy, depending on how you go about it

He was going to die. Dragged towards the tomb lying to himself. The very substance he turned into ashes every day was about to do the same to him. Ah, the powers of self-deception:

“Emphysema runs in my family! Stopping smoking won’t make any difference. Anyway, I’m physically addicted; nothing I can do about it!”

Ted’s wife had sent him to see me. He sat there, arms crossed; sceptical. He was reluctant, convinced his worsening health had nothing to do with the cigarettes. I spent an hour and a half feeling I was offering a rescue branch to a submerged man who, unaware of the upcoming waterfall, wasn’t grasping.

Then I shocked Ted. How? I told him he most certainly should continue to smoke. Prepared for battle, this took him off guard. “What?” He looked confused.
Smoking: An appallingly bad deal

“Certainly, you should smoke,” I told him. “It’s one of life’s pleasures. But you shouldn’t just like it; you should love it. Love it more than anything else in life. It shouldn’t just give you a ’bit of pleasure’, it should be ecstasy-inducing. You should be singing from the rooftops every time you smoke. It should be more meaningful to you than your wife or children. If it’s that important, that pleasurable, then yes, you should carry on. But anything less than that means the deal’s no good.”

“Deal’s no good?” he echoed, mouth ajar.

“That’s right, it’s a bum deal. The tobacco company gets thousands from you – you are a good deal for them. Your end of the deal means that you get to age quicker; have depleted blood into your penis (seriously; this man needed a wake-up call); say goodbye forever to your wife and kids on average seven years earlier than you would have done; destroy serotonin in your brain, leading to greater likelihood of depression; dim your eyesight; incubate cancers; and pay money. That’s your side of the deal. To make it worth it, you need to make sure that smoking is better than just something you ‘quite enjoy’.”

No one had ever spoken to Ted – big, square-jawed, man of the world – that way. I thought maybe he would hit me.

I told him how ’some people‘ went through life with a survivor’s instinct and how others got ’taken in‘ by stuff that undermined and worked against them.

He told me how he hated seeing people conned. I talked about how cigarettes convince ’some people‘ that they are harmless, a relaxant, physically addictive, and so on. I hypnotized him. Later, I told him I’d send him an email and if he ever decided he really did want to quit smoking, stop ’pussyfooting around‘, he should read it – but not until he’d learned to see the deal for what it truly was.

The core of that email is as follows.
1 – Don’t quit smoking, ‘outgrow it’

Don’t think of yourself as ‘quitting smoking’ but rather outgrowing it. After all, it was probably something you started to do when you were an adolescent. I’m guessing there are plenty of other things you did back then which you no longer do now. When you were a child and your feet grew, you didn’t have to try hard to stop wearing the shoes that were squeezing your toes. Because you’d outgrown them, it was a relief to discard them. Likewise, people grow out of smoking because it ‘starts to squeeze’; squeezing lungs, heart, and time from the end of life.

Imagine someone protesting that it wasn’t the too small shoes that were causing the discomfort in their feet!

Enhance this sense of outgrowing the smoking by clicking on the link below and listening to your free audio session.


2 – See through the lies

One hundred million people were killed by smoking in the 20th century; killed by something they paid good money for. Many of these poor souls would have been intelligent, decent people, but somehow they remained hooked into a victim/abuser relationship with cigarettes that destroyed them. In order to do self-destructive things, human beings need to have belief systems that ‘make it okay’ to self-destruct. Smokers are no different. Here are more common smoking beliefs:

“Smoking calms my nerves!” Yes, by delivering nicotine through your mucous membranes up into your brain, releasing adrenaline and raising blood pressure within 8 seconds. People may feel more relaxed if they take a break in unison with a cigarette or breathe deeply as they exhale. It is the break and the deep breathing which relax you, not the tobacco.

“Smoking helps me concentrate.” Yes, in short bursts, but like any drug there is a comedown during which your concentration will be poorer than if you hadn’t smoked at all.

“Smoking gives me something to do with my hands.” Well, so does strangulation! What do non-smokers do with their hands? I have worked with other types of self-harmers (cutters) who told me that cutting gave them ’something to do with their hands’.

“Smoking is physically addictive.” But not addictive enough to stop people sleeping for hours at a time without it; or to go on long-haul flights and forget about smoking. Nicotine takes 24 hours to clear from your body and then you’re free.

If you clicked your fingers a thousand times a day for 20 years, every time you had a coffee, every time you finished a meal, or after sex (if you were lucky enough to get any with such a crazy habit), then it would feel weird at first to have the coffee without the clicking. This isn’t physical addiction; it’s just conditioned expectation through repeated association of two behaviours. Of course it’s possible to have a drink without clicking your fingers or smoking. There is no natural association between smoking and finishing a meal. Once these associations die away, you no longer feel addicted.

“Smoking is ‘cool’ or ‘bohemian’.” This one is more easily swallowed by younger smokers. Of course, to make something acceptable when it’s threatening our very existence, it needs to seem ‘cool’. Some kamikaze pilots may have thought it was ’cool‘ or ’honourable‘ to die for their beliefs.

“Smoking punctuates my day.” “I need one after a meal, before and after a meeting, when I get home” and so on… Yes, we all need to ‘punctuate our day’, but we can do this by just taking time out to relax, have a cup of tea, or some other pleasurable activity.

“I could get run over by a bus tomorrow; you’ve got to die of something!” Well, that’s true. In the UK, one in 15,000 people get run down and one in two smokers are killed by smoking. Odds can be tricky things to get your head round.

“My uncle lived to 110, ran marathons, and smoked three packs a day from the age of 3.” Yes and we can remember the phrase: ‘The exception that proves the rule.’

These are some common beliefs (lies!) that smokers have told themselves and one other as a way of dealing with the cognitive dissonance of doing something they know will corrode them or kill them. See through them.
3 – Separate your identity from the smoking

It’s far easier to quit smoking once you see it as entirely separate from you, not as a ‘part of who you are’. It’s no more central to you than a thieving parasite. ’Smoking‘ is not something your body can do unless it’s set on fire. We can digest, oxygenate, eliminate but we cannot smoke – it’s not a human process.

You had years at the start of your life when you didn’t think about it at all but you were still you. When you again become a ‘non-smoker’, your identity doesn’t have to be defined in this way either. You will be you. I don’t canoe but I don’t think of myself as a ‘non-canoeist’.

Remember everybody quits smoking eventually, whether it’s five minutes before they leave this Earth or thirty years. Your relationship with smoking is finite anyway.

Separate your real identity from the smoking.
4 – Remember you only have to deal with three or four cigarettes

Even if you smoke 60 a day, you’ll have noticed that there are only three or four that you really savour.

Maybe it’s the first one of the day, the one after lunch or immediately after work. All the others just ‘slip under the radar’, cheating their way in when you’re not even thinking about them – a rushed one in the car or a hurried cigarette in the rain.

Once you deal with the main cigarettes and hit those on the head, then, like collapsing the pillars, the whole smoking ‘structure’ will collapse easily.
5 – Smoking is not a ‘friend’

If you knew that a person was stealing your money, your looks, your health, and possibly years from the end of your life, then how much of a ‘friend’ would they seem to you? Would you want to associate with them?

Some smokers gaze through rose-tinted (nicotine-stained) glasses at the habit. They see their smoking as something that they can turn to when they are down, as if smoking were a friend they could have a drink and a chat with, be consoled by, have a laugh with. But what kind of friend steals all this and then one day turns around and stabs you in the back?
6 – Don’t become ‘anti-smoking’

I’m not an anti-smoker. Really I’m not. If you hate something, you are still too emotionally involved with it. And if you really think it’s a good deal and can swear you’re not being conned by it, then you should do it. Hate can be as intense as love. When smoking becomes irrelevant to you, then it becomes a non-issue. You don’t ever need to become a boorish anti-smoker.
7 – Watch out for the sweet talk

When a person leaves a relationship, no matter how abusive and destructive it was, there may be times when they feel like backsliding. The liberated person may feel down one evening, or bored, maybe a little drunk. The ex-abuser calls them up, charms them, and says they can’t live without them. And if they weaken then, before you know it, the old abuse has started up all over again.

Be prepared. Smoking will ‘call you up’ during these times and try to charm its way back and manipulate you. Be ready for it. The more you ignore it, the stronger you’ll become and the weaker it will become.

These seven tips for quitting smoking should be read and internalized. You need to make them your own. Why not print them off and read them through – with a cigarette perhaps?

Ted called me up. “Hi, I’ve quit!” he said.

“Quit what?” I said, desperately trying to recall whether this was the Ted who smoked chronically or the Ted who’d been thinking about leaving his job. But then the deep gravelly voice was unmistakable.

“No one takes me for a fool!” he said.
Share this article

7 Steps to Self-Belief

How to develop powerful tools to get your mind on your side
"7 Steps to Self-Belief" courtesy of divemasterking2000


The crowd waits. Surely he’s going to die. How can he survive a dive from such a massive height into a tiny pool of water? But he can fly! – Only he doesn’t yet believe it. He’s been shunned all his life as a freak with gigantic ears. He’s lost his ’magic feather‘ and thinks that without it he can’t fly. Timothy mouse desperately, frantically tells him:

“It’s not the feather, it’s you! You can fly. Forget the feather. It’s time to dive.”

He falls. The crowd gasps. But just as he’s about to smash into the shallow water, Timothy’s words come back to him: “It’s you, Dumbo, not the feather!”

At last he flies! He doesn’t need the feather. Finally truly believing in himself, he escapes the captive circus.

This article is about your escape. How you can disregard ’magic feathers‘ and believe in yourself.
Why you need self-belief

Self-belief is vital. How many things have you not done or tried because you lacked belief in yourself?

Many fail to believe in themselves because others didn’t (take my friend Dumbo). But as Eleanor Roosevelt so deftly put it:

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Yet self-doubts creep in, don’t they? Like unwelcome house guests that keep calling round simply because you played host to them before. Doubts such as:

Can I really do this?

Other people are better, smarter, more worthy than me.

What will other people think if I do/say this?

I can’t risk failure.

Success is for others but not for the likes of me!

If you sometimes have trouble believing in yourself then read, absorb, enjoy, and practice these self-belief tips.
Tip 1 – Remember self-belief is learnable

Your level of self-belief isn’t set in stone; not unalterable. We can all be flexible and change, even ’fly’. Remember you were born into this world with no sense of what you could or couldn’t do. Then, bit by bit, life started to teach you to limit yourself. A very young child never says: “I’m not the kind of person who could…” They haven’t yet learned to limit their own horizons or listened to people who leak pessimism.

One of the first steps is to re-examine and discard many of the limiting ideas you have about yourself; ideas that you’ve somehow collected along the way.
Tip 2 – Deal with the inner negative voice

When you start to doubt yourself listen, for a moment, to that little negative inner voice. Whose voice is it really? A parent’s, old school bullies? A collection of lots of different voices from different times and people? One thing’s for sure; that little inner self-critical voice wasn’t yours originally. It may masquerade as belonging to you now, but it doesn’t really.

Tell yourself: “This is not my true voice!” Then start to challenge it and also to just plain ignore it.
Tip 3 – Flip a weakness into a strength

Dumbo, our cartoon quadruped, was humiliated by his outsize ears. He hated them at first. But, through time, he came to use them, to fulfil his destiny even, by changing his attitude.

If we just focus on what is not right about ourselves rather than what is, then we miss opportunities for self-belief. We shouldn’t assume there’s nothing to improve about ourselves, but just focusing on perceived weaknesses without either a) taking steps to improve them or b) also giving fair focus toward our strengths gets us nowhere.

For example, if you know that you can be stubborn then find the positive in this. Stubbornness used well is called single-minded determination. If you worry a lot, know that the positive flipside of this is that you have a powerful imagination which, in the right context, can be put to good use.

Take any negative belief you have about yourself and creatively flip it so that it becomes, in its place, a positive resource (think: ’ears/Dumbo‘). You’ll find this exercise fun to do.

The next tip is a favourite of mine:
Tip 4 – Develop your ‘super powers’!

Think of the typical powers of the more popular superheroes and write them down before you start your day. They may be such things as super speed, the ability to climb walls, flight, x-ray vision…whatever. Why do I suggest this? Because ‘priming’ your mind with qualities and positive characteristics can actually determine your behaviour.

Not that you’ll start flying to the rescue of stranded citizens, but the pattern of superhero powers is one of ability, courage, and competence. In one study, people asked to write down as many super powers as they could think of were more likely to give to charity months afterwards. The pattern of giving to charity is that of being able. Prime your mind with ‘able words’ before you start each day.

As well as superhero powers, write all kinds of other positive characteristics (whether you think you have them or not). Do this before you go out. For example, I might write:

Strength

Dignity

Calm

Intelligence

Humour

Generosity

Quick wittedness

Charisma

Sex appeal

Approachability

Popularity

Determination

And so on. I’m not just asking you to focus on your own present or even future qualities here, but just on the words. Take a few moments writing them down each day, then a few moments running your eyes up and down your list (it doesn’t matter if it’s a similar list each day). Really reflect upon what each word means to you.

You’ll be amazed how doing this will powerfully prime your unconscious mind.
Tip 5 – Be your own motivational coach

If you notice doubts rearing their ugly heads, imagine you (the clear-headed part of you) are the coach and the anxious part of you is the person you need to talk to.

Think what you’d say to someone you really believe in if they started showing doubts. Sit down and say those same things to yourself. So if you are about to go for a job interview and you ’hear yourself‘ starting to express doubts, take a few moments to sit down, close your eyes, and coach yourself:

“Look, you can do this! It’s natural to feel a little anxious, but that just means you care about what you’re doing! You’ve got all the relevant experience and qualifications! Now get in there and stop whinging! Even if you don’t get this job, you’re going to make me proud by giving it your best shot!”

Picture the decent, friendly, straight-talking coach in your mind. Is it someone you know or would like to know? Talking to yourself in these times as if you were another person (in the privacy of your mind J) can ramp up your confidence fast.
Tip 6 – Do ‘hero training’

Hero training is a great way to increase your own self-belief.

I once treated a young boy for emitaphobia – fear of, in his case, other people vomiting. He told me about a time his sister had been sick and how terrified he’d been. Later I discovered he loved Arnold Schwarzeneggermovies. We talked about how Arnie would have coped with his sister being sick and I got this little boy to hypnotically watch the Austrian muscle man heroically dealing with other people vomiting. I then got this little boy to strongly imagine that he was Arnie and what it was like to deal with sickness and so on.

He overcame what had been a severe phobia by ’borrowing‘ the traits of his hero and making them his own. It was easier for this little boy to believe in Arnie dealing with other people being sick than it was to imagine himself dealing with it.

Bit by bit, he transferred the cool, calm, collected, decisive action from his hero to himself.

Think of a situation in which lack of self-belief holds you back. Now think of your ’hero‘ – who could be a world leader, a movie hero, or the guy or gal down the street. Now close your eyes and strongly imagine them dealing with the situation ’heroically‘. Now imagine being them for a few moments, experiencing that time in their shoes. Keep doing this until you notice you can start to transfer a sense of their qualities to yourself.
Tip 7 – Create a powerful vision of yourself

Self-belief comes not just by trying to convince yourself you can do stuff. True self-belief actually comes from developing the vision that you can relax socially, start that business, write that book, or whatever it is you need to believe you can do or be.

Get into the habit of sitting down, closing your eyes, and watching yourself behaving decisively, calmly, and strongly. This powerful visualization exercise means you can learn from yourself how to be confident, have self-belief, and behave in ways which maximize chances of success. Imagine you are viewing yourself on a TV screen. The ‘you’ in the screen is showing the you watching how to act with self-belief. The more you do this, the more you’ll find that you’ll quite naturally start to become like the ’you‘ in the movie.

Or let me do it for you by clicking on the free audio link at the bottom of the page.



Self-belief doesn’t mean arrogance or blindness to one’s own shortcomings. Then again, it doesn’t mean believing that you are perfect as you are, either. Your self-belief really needs to be focused on what you will become. And an important part of self-belief comes from knowing your weaknesses and being relaxed about them.

Self-belief gives you the freedom to make mistakes and cope with setbacks by seeing them for what they are: temporary setbacks, not the end of the world. And something else you’ll notice: As your self-belief grows, people around you start to believe in you more, too. Because it really isn’t the feather – it’s you.
Share this article